July 2026 Clinical Supervision Topic: Congruence, Authenticity, and Internal Family Systems

We are on the sixth and final step of our rupture and repair series. Nice work!

Here it is:

enjoy a stronger, more honest, more real relationship with the lovely human in front of you.

I mean, I did kind of write this step just for fun. But, why not spend a month on it? Maybe it will indeed be fun!

When I think about when I most enjoy the person and relationship in front of me in a clinical setting (which I’m differentiating here from a social setting, as the expectations are a bit different socially than clinically), I realize it is when I am the most relaxed, present-focused, easy-going-but-intentional, curious, and compassionate. Not the polished or performing parts of me that tend to show up when I'm anxious or disconnected from my own intuition. The parts trying to get it "right." The parts operating from shoulds, pressure, obligation, fear, or guilt.

When I’m just, well, me. And, likely, you. To some extent, I’d guess?

I kind of believe the Internal Family Systems and AEDP ideas that we are all sooo good and golden at our core. So I’m guessing the Cs that I feel when I’m at my best as a clinician are similar to what you experience when you’re at your best in your role.

And, good news. Not only is it good for US to feel good in our work, turns out, according to common factors research, us being our most genuine, authentic and congruent selves has a very positive effect on the people we interact with daily, even our clients!

That got me wondering: if congruence of the clinician is one of the common factors in effective clinical work, where does it come from in us?

What creates the conditions where I naturally become more myself?

Because I’m not always in that state all the time. No one is. So I’m guessing we all have this question: what makes me feel most myself with: a. another person in general, and b. my clients?

For many of us, a big part of the answer is physical and psychological safety, which then creates the conditions where we can begin listening inward.

External safety matters. If my nervous system doesn't feel physically or psychologically safe, authenticity isn't really the goal—survival is.

But once enough safety is present, another question emerges:

How do I become more connected to myself while I'm with another person?

What I've found is that I feel most connected to myself when I'm in relationship with all the different parts of myself, and when they feel seen, heard, and respected enough that we can work together instead of against one another.

As that internal relationship has strengthened, something interesting has happened: congruence has required less effort. It seems to emerge naturally. I'm simply more me with the person sitting across from me. And, perhaps not surprisingly, I enjoy them more, too.

The person and relationship before me are enjoyed. :)

For me, that inner parts work has looked surprisingly simple.

It's becoming more familiar with my own internal system.

• Learning to notice my parts.

• Listening to them.

• Thanking them.

• Understanding what they're trying to do/what they need.

• Helping them trust that they don't have to take the lead in the clinical work, but I’ll let them know if I want them to, thank you very much.

Congruence isn't a performance. It's a byproduct of an internal relationship.

Here are a few videos that will show you a bit more of what I'm talking about (using more IFS language, which may be helpful): 1, 2.

See you all soon.