May 2025 Clinical Supervision Topic: Congruence, Genuineness, and Internal Family Systems
I love the topic of congruence and genuineness. I don’t know if anything creates more safety besides a regulated nervous system (which we talked about last month), and you being your realest, truest self.
Internal Family Systems (I like the video on this page) does such a good job explaining just what our self is, so I thought it’d be a good model to bring into our common factors study this month. What does IFS state the self is? Well, it explains it through the 8 Cs: Calm, Curiosity, Clarity, Compassion, Confidence, Courage, Creativity, and Connectedness.
These are qualities that emerge when we’re not blended with a part—when we’re leading from Self-energy.
Which brings us back to congruence.
Carl Rogers wrote, “Do I dare to communicate myself as I am?... Or must my communication be somewhat less than or different from this?”
Congruence, in his view, was about two things:
Awareness of our internal experience
The willingness to share that experience in real time
IFS adds a twist. It suggests that even our "internal experience" isn't just one thing. It’s often made up of many parts—some protective, some wounded, some wise. So the question shifts from just “What am I feeling?” to “Which part of me is feeling this?”
This model gives us a more clear internal compass for congruence. Sometimes, what wants to be shared in session comes from a Manager part (maybe a part that wants to sound competent or kind). Other times, it might be an Exile; a younger part who feels seen by the client’s story. Occasionally, it might be a Firefighter, trying to say something just to get out of the moment.
Congruence, then, isn’t just about saying what’s real. It’s about knowing which part inside us wants to speak, and whether it’s useful to let them.
So here’s what I’d love for us to reflect on together this month:
Which parts of you most often take the lead in therapy sessions? (The helper? The expert? The one who wants to be liked?)
How do you distinguish between a genuine urge to self-disclose and a part that wants to manage the space?
Has there ever been a time you spoke from a part, and it went well? What made it land?
Has congruence ever backfired? What did you learn about timing, tone, or part activation?
See previous years here.
Can’t wait to hear your reflections.
See you soon.
