September 2025 Clinical Supervision Topic: Self-Compassion + Internal Family Systems

September is Self-Compassion Month in our clinical supervision practice. In past years we have leaned on Kristen Neff’s research and practices (see here). For 2024, I attempted (and mostly succeeded) in doing the “Tender Self-Compassion Break” meditation every day. That simple practice helped dislodge some of the self-loathing and pain-avoidance habits I had carried from complex trauma, and it opened up so much more room for honest kindness and acceptance toward myself. It also very much influenced my ability to love this work and extend so much care and compassion towards my clients, and you, my dear supervisees.

This year we are exploring self-compassion through the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS). When you learn to meet your own parts with curiosity and kindness, you expand your ability to guide others to do the same.

Wherever you work, whether in a hospital, community agency, crisis line, or therapy room, you already know how much is asked of you. Long hours, high stakes, constant demands. It is easy to give compassion outward and forget to turn some of it inward.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) offers a practical way to practice self-compassion while you work. It seems abstract or fluffy, but it’s not, I promise. It is grounded, simple, and doable even in high-pressure settings. IFS reminds us that we are made up of many “parts,” and each of those parts deserves kindness. Here are five skills you can use in your own practice, and often in the moment with the people you serve.

1. Spot the Hijack

• For yourself: Notice when a part takes over, maybe the perfectionist, the critic, or the exhausted part that wants to shut down. Ask yourself: Is this my grounded Self, or is this a part running the show? Just naming it gives you breathing room.

• With clients/patients/members: Help people notice the early signs of a hijack. You might ask, “When did you notice the panic start?” or “Where do you feel that shift in your body?” This helps them catch parts in real time instead of after the fact.

  • Quick script: “I noticed your voice sped up. When did that show up?”

2. Speak in Parts

• For yourself: Instead of saying, “I’m overwhelmed,” try: “A part of me feels overwhelmed, and another part wants to keep going.” This small shift reminds you that you are bigger than any one reaction.

• With clients/patients/members: When someone feels torn, invite them to expand the picture: “Is there another part of you that feels differently about this?” This normalizes ambivalence and helps people see themselves as complex, not broken.

  • Quick script: “It sounds like one part wants to leave and another part wants to stay safe. Did I get that?”

3. Listen to the Body

• For yourself: Ask where you feel the part in your body, or around your body. Does it have a shape, a color, a voice? Noticing this grounds you and gives the part dignity. Even a quick shoulder check or a hand on your chest between calls can reset your system.

• With clients/patients/members: Invite them to notice their own body cues. “Where do you feel that stress in your body, or around your body?” or “If it had an image or a sound, what would it be?” This shifts people out of analysis and into embodied connection.

  • Quick script: “Where do you feel this stress in or around your body right now? Let’s name it.”

4. Befriend the Part

• For yourself: When you notice a reactive part, get curious instead of pushing it away. If it were a person, how old would it be? What makes sense about the way it acts? Often these parts are younger or protective. They just need some care.

• With clients/patients/members: Encourage them to meet their own parts with gentleness. You might say, “That angry part is probably trying to protect you in some way. What would it be like to get to know it instead of fighting it?” This can transform shame into compassion.

  • Quick script: “That angry part is trying to protect you. What would help it feel a little safer right now?”

5. Step Back Into Self

• For yourself: After spotting parts and making contact, take a breath and intentionally return to your Self, the calm, curious, compassionate center of you. Even three slow breaths before walking into the next room can reset your presence. I like to put a hand over my heart briefly to settle back into my Self energy.

• With clients/patients/members: Model Self energy in small, concrete ways. Soften your voice, slow your pace, make gentle eye contact. These micro-moments of curiosity and calm can de-escalate tension and create trust, even in a brief encounter.

  • Quick script: “Let’s slow down for a second. What would be most helpful first?”

Why It Matters

These five skills are not just for therapists. They are for anyone in the field who sits with suffering. For you, they build resilience and keep you grounded. For the people you serve, they open up pathways to self-compassion and healing, sometimes in just a few moments of contact.

Self-compassion is not about excusing or ignoring. It is about making space for all the parts of you, the tired parts, the sharp parts, the hopeful parts, and extending the same grace to the people in front of you. And just as we said at the start, when you learn to meet your own parts with curiosity and kindness, you expand your ability to guide others to do the same.

Let’s listen to my friend Laura’s conversation with Dick Schwartz about IFS. I’m really looking forward to hearing your perspectives on this!