February 2026 Clinical Supervision Topic: Rupture and Repair
There are a lot of valuable ways to relate to people, and a lot of new skills to learn, practice, remember, etc. in our work. One thing that keeps us from trying new things, though, is the fear of rupture. We don’t want to hurt/upset/re-traumatize the people we serve. Of course we don’t.
I’ve found myself quite comforted by remembering that rupture is inevitable in most real relationships. Repair, is optional. Let’s do repair, every time.
It is not lost on me that in homes and environments with trauma, repair is often missing. The painful thing/harm happens, and it goes unacknowledged, unsupported, unexplored, and there is no re-connection. Well, in our work with people, we get to do that. And it is soooo restorative for the relationship.
But how do we repair? A few steps, to be honest.
We pause, and do an internal scan, if needed. Just slow down, and feel. Even if it’s painful. (I hate causing ruptures, and always want to hide my head under a rock. I guess that’s normal, so if you feel it too, we’re in this together).
Tentatively reflect what you’re understanding the client’s experience to be, and ask if you’re tracking correctly.
Validate. What you’re saying/feeling makes sense because of A, B, C.
Make it better (find some way to make it up to them, if possible).
After all is said and done (the whole strike-when-the-iron’s-cold concept), and once safety is restored, ask what that was all like for them.
Enjoy a stronger, more honest, more real relationship with the lovely human in front of you.
It’s a lot, doing a repair. So with our theme of Returning to Connection, as well as our ongoing themes around common factors theory, interpersonal neurobiology, deliberate practice, and who knows what else at this point, we’ll slow it down, and take it one step at a time.
This month we’ll practice the internal scan. Because our nervous systems speak louder than we do. You already know this, of course. You genius.
We’ll use some of the videos from here and here to practice this skill together this month. Look forward to seeing you all.
